Finally, in important news, it turns out that Stone Roses failed to play an encore at an Amsterdam concert after drummer Reni refused to come back onstage. In sympathy with the disgruntled crowd, singer Ian Brown described his co-band member as a “cunt”.
“C***”? Why, that’s unwarrantedly strong language. Reni a c***? It isn’t possible. He’s a member of Stone Roses. None of Stone Roses are c***s. Chancers but cowards, who when randomly offered the opportunity to become the biggest group since the f***ing Beatles because a bored, fieldbound, rave-addled generation needed a white guitar group, any white guitar group, to fill a large, Beatles-sized hole, f***ed off to Wales for six f***ing years, leaving us to the mercy of the even f***ing worse f***ing Oasis, but definitely not c***s! Played a f***ing gig at Reading so legendarily bad that even the f***ing empty bladdered took refuge in the f***ing toilets but certainly not c***s! Arseholes, yes, but not c***s! Actually, scratch that Brown was f***ing right. They’re f***ing Stone Roses, for f***’s sake. Of course they’re c***s. In fact, now that I come to think of it, Morr – (thank you – Ed)